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R.I.P Homeroom.

Piece.

....oh, my hot sauces

This picture makes me homesick - for my fridge door. I will admit this...I absolutely love taking pics of the inside of my fridge, in different stages of capacity and of different products. If you scroll way down below, there is another fridge pic which was taken during Christmas at our place in Canmore, so its rammed with goodness.

This one I took a week or two before I left Calgary. Cholula is for scrambled eggs, added to melted butter for popcorn, on top of melted cheese & crackers, and also in ichiban. Cock-sauce is for pizza almost exclusively...(and sometimes eggs too, but only when poached or fried - any format in which the yolk remains intact). Delish was a present from Jenny from Barbados, its meant for flying fish sanwiches and is purposeful as a condiment like mustard. El Yucateco works similar to Cholula, but with an earthier heat and fantastic with grilled cheese.

I went to Sainsbury's, Tesco and Marks and Spencer this week and couldnt find a single type of hot sauces other than Tabasco. Blech, that shit is so ghetto...is all heat no flavour, ya know?

Honorable mentions go to Franks and Louisianna, which just did not make the pic. Its not staged ya know...

Franchement - updated!

After spending this past weekend in Cannes (la belle Cote D'ázur) avec mon ami Benge, I am sitting here trying to get myself to go for a run around the Common. I mean you can only eat gelato, croque monsieurs, sanwichés, gauffre, banana splits, macarons, pain au chocolat, petit brioches, cheese, tartine and drink rosé till you start to think you've spoiled yourself just about enough. What a downer that realization is.

I 'effin love love France tho. If I could, I would get crème fraîche intravenously just so I could feel it pumping through my veins. Franchement. The food alone makes it my favorite country in the world, on top of the most amazing everything else.

So as I sit here, in my workout clothes, listening to the Origianal Nike-Run mix LCD Soundsystem....(which is a great download for those runners out there, 45 minute mixes of intense energy)... I am hoping that by listening to my running music, under the guise of 'preping my ipod for my run' I will soon get off my ass.

My bro is sitting on the floor in front of me, with heaphones on too. He playinng some death game on his Xbox. He is hooked up to the 'net playing against a bunch of 13-year-old 'hoods from Arsenal, Hackney or some other dodgy sounding place. He keeps yelling into his earpiece that ''the church is down''. I think he just blew up a church.

On a sad note: tragic about the loss....my heart goes out to the fans.

Here are some pics of zee trip!

And for the best pic of all time....see below. I would really like to have a "caption this" contest here if anyone has any good suggestions. I lost my funny bone last week.

Update! Tyra explains the whole courtside 4-some here! God, B is so cool.

Blogs have feelings too....

Poor old thing. Ain't seen action in weeks! Whazzup ya'll?

London is amazing, I must say. Gorgeous spring weather and spent the day lounging in Hyde Park yesterday with mis hommies drinking Kronenbergs and eating Walkers. So nice.

• ratatat wildcat ringtone!
• i high-ly reccomend downloading all these mixes (rub's hitoire of la hip-hop)
• up close pictures of spiders!
• white chicks throwing gang signs. i gotta stop doing this, stat.
• nba ballers with randoms. i gotta get on this site, stat.

Going to go see Ratatat this week live. Q imagine?!? 'dem toes be wigglin'with excitement! hoorah!

Desmond Mason has a weird freethrow motion

Some would call it heaven on earth


Caseys Bar - Whitefish, MT

Want to get caught up and refreshed on the ncaa tourney? this snl parody of a Fantasy Pool TV Show is funny and a good refresher on the last 3 weeks....and hey, its quality joke-material. Does not cover Sunday, for obvious reasons. Thanks TiVo!

Passport Singles Party and subsequent outing at Caseys - amaze. Pics to follow soon....maybe. If there is anything suited for public consumption.

R.I.P UNC....I will remember your 2007 tournament in this light: Did Tar Heels have too much of a good thing? Too much talent. Who knew?

Snitching



I hadnt heard of the Snitching controversy until I just read about it the other day. On the rise in Baltimore (and subsequently Boston and New York) the issue represents a modern political dillema brought on by asshole cops and nasty criminals. At first, the fact that policymakers are trying to ban the tshirts seems like just another conservative reaction to some thug criminals' message that "real guys don't rat eachother out''.

But when looked at closely, its not as it appears. For the last 20 years, US state and federal governments have been creating criminal snitches and setting them loose in poor, high-crime communities.

The backlash against snitches represents a growing belief that snitching is shitty public policy—"producing bad information, endangering innocent people, letting dangerous criminals off the hook, compromising the integrity of police work, and inciting violence and distrust in socially vulnerable neighborhoods." The issue has has brought likes of B-more native and nba star, Carmello Anthony to speak out on snitching.

Snitches are famously unreliable, studies at the Center on Wrongful Convictions reveals that 46% of wrongful death penalty convictions are due to snitch misinformation—making snitches the leading cause of wrongful conviction in capital cases. So Malcom Gladwell. Trés Interessant.

Haterade and Flagrant Fouls



So after I bragged about how calm and cool I was gonna be the hours prior to the start of the tourney, not changing my bracket at the last second etc... I got some serious hatemail. Looks like people didnt like my confidence...its nice to see those people are now bottom feeders on our pool. Ouch. This has to be the first final-four in a few years that my bracket is still holding somewhat strong after the first two rounds. Thank you lord. This is really all I can ask for.

Anyways, the weekends games were exciting in that Duke lost. I had Winthrop going one game further, as my little-guy. Their coach is so handsome. The Commenwealth also almost made it one more game too but lost in overtime.

Here is a little rap-video called This is Why Duke Sucks hating on Duke. Its pretty funny, particularly for those who feed on this shit....it includes the hit on Tyler Hansbrough and other now-famous Duke moments. Comparing Laettner to Nate from Six Feet Under was funny.

I will not barf unless I am sick

All 119 chalkboards from The Simpsons opening credits. Youtube upload nerds get one point.

Hoops Odyssey



Calling in sick this morning? Hmm...maybe you should go change your picks for the seventh time?! Not this year..I am staying calm in the final hours building up to the first round. The last 4 years I've had final-hour panic attacks..so weak. I can feel it ya'll..this time I have a real bracket buster - BEWARE.

Starting tomorrow at noon, I will be spending even more time on my couch. Hard to imagine, yet still unbelievably true! Tip off time beeyatch! By the time April 2nd rolls around, I will have cried 4 times and be convinced to buy a Pontiac and register my investments with Charles Schwab.



Last year I was lucky enough to go to Utah for the first round, which is a great trip - except for the Utah part. Thanks Mur! ...Murray K is in Spokane this year (ditched us, no biggie) with his hombres. Did you know you can't drink anywhere in the stadiums? true, I mean think about it.

However, this year I will be housesitting at my moms for the final couple rounds, so I can watch in HighDef...and last time THAT happened..UNC won!!! two years ago ya'll!!

UNC! UNC! UNC! UNC! Strap Hansbrough's new facemask on and let him rip!



So... whose yer George Mason Cinde-freakin'-ralla?
Oh, you hate Duke? how original.

PS - I love birth control commercials. Particularly those aimed at 17 year old girls...like tri-cyclen lo's campaign for www.trythistrythat.com My favourite part is just watching cool-ass-and-cute 14 year old girls doing their thang!....shooting hoops, practicing ballet or chowing-down on cheeseburgers! You know how we roll!

Quotables to Claire and Claire

"Both of you are wearing so many clothes its boring us"

"You guys should take your coats off"

"You're gigantic and amazing"

- Duttons, Calgary AB

Dust



The first part of spring...eh...I could skip it.

I am pretty sure I am alergic to dust. Everyone loves the weather right now in Calgary except me. Its sunny and all, but the roads still have soo much gravel and dirt on them from the snow...the chinook wind is incrediby strong, there are dustclouds forming all over this city. Lastly its dirt-grey everwhere, no colour in sight.

Ship patio? No thank you. That intersection is so grey and nasty at this time of year, you essentially inhale a cup of dirt with your pint. Harsh....I know I am being a total Debbie Downer but whtvs... just being honest. I'm staying inside a bit longer.

thelonius claire says:
gnar gnar
god says:
who's there?
thelonius claire says:
pow pow
god says:
pow pow who?
thelonius claire says:
powpow, if you worship powder, this is the fastest way to the alter

Purple Paris



this sweater was stolen a few bottles of wine later. RIP my fave 100% wool purple sweater. You were so warm. xoxo.

Shred Baby Pow Pow Gnar Gnar

(photo caption: nothing in there)

So today I was googling myself....I mean, can I get more self-absorbed? Anyways, I found this site that tracks the origin of my last name and there are small notes on the whereabouts and whatnot of our family ancestry all the way back to Germany. Anyone can update family members notes/bios it seems....because get this:

Some total wingnut-christ-driven-southern-alberta-bible-thumper made reference to a letter to the editor that I had published in the Calgary Herald a year ago regarding education and reproductive choice for teens. He/She essentially wrote as my bio that: She think its great for 13 year old girls to go around having sex.

I wish I had saved it, but I emailed the guy who hosts the site and immejutly (!!) demanded it be taken down! It was gossipy trash and I pointed out that a family ancestry website should not be about publishing political douchbag-ery. Particularly from some hick from the sticks!

I mean is this what sort of tactics the Alberta Pro-Lifers have gotten to? Googling names of published pro-choicers...adding notes on ancestral biographies? Give me a break. You are so weak. Go secretly molest your farm animals.

Anyways, the point is (and yes, there is a point) ...is that you should google yourself every few days, just to monitor the trash talk. Its everywhere.

baby got back!



So I am back in Calgs. Trying to get my life back together after being away for a 5 weeks (minus one week in between). Obvs I got pretty sick while over there and spent the first two days back under my duvet on my couch catching up on all that Tivo recorded for me. Marathon session, interrupted only by a Flames game followed by a small after-party at mine ....but then right back on the couch! Immejutly!



Anyways, Euro was wicked. Such a rad time in London hanging with my cronies and my bro. Too good. Thanks to Pete and Sue (and Taz!)...and Phoebe and Jojo for providing amazing accomodation experiences. Des, Olivia, Drew, Ally, Tim, Carolyn, Mike yo yo! Cant wait to get back again.

Paris was fucking amazing. One of my best nights in the city. Ate at Chez Paul which I cannot say enough about, and partied with locals in the Bastille speaking in French all night. Cétait trop drôle! I could go to that city every weekend and never get enough.



Vienna was super cool even tho I was just getting tucked into my deathbed around then. The city is gorgeous and different (sometimes in that weird-german-way, but great). Greg is hilarious and different (sometimes in that fuck-that-shit-is-ridic-way, but great). I think that worked?

So. I leave you with this:

Paninis. Why are there not panini grills in EACH sandwich shop in North America? Even Starbucks in Europe has paninis. Warm, toasty, gooey sandwiches are where its at. period.

Sleeping pills. The the real shit. A must on overnight flights. Two glasses of red, one halcion, neck cushion, earplugs...next thing you know you are happily filling out your landing card rolling thru Heathrow.

Fashion. When I first see some fashion trends, they makes me queasy (skinny jeans at one point, if you can believe it). But if I see the trend enough, sometimes I actually start to love it. So the question is....is this because it grows on me naturally, or...if I see it enough, I convinced myself its cool ,...artificially?

Golden Lab puppies. So cute it almost makes you feel a bit sick deep inside. Why?

Halal! Kebabs. Fuck. Don't even get me started. I'm serving them at my wedding. How cool would a donair rotisserie-spit be? Some dude slinging kebabs as the greasy-midnight-snack course? Double Boner.

Pho-toes here.

Death

I can feel it, deep down. Mostly when I cough.

I think I have run out of life-juice.

London, Paris, Vienna = death.
(cause) = (effect)

Loved it ya'll. Lit-rah-ly.

Grabing Ponytails - updated!



About two years ago I was at Mealan's houseparty/bbq and, while I was animatedly talking (what else is new) my ponytail swooshed over a lit candle and about 2 inches of my hair went up in smoke. No joke. The house actually stank of burnt hair - not cool.

You live you learn, ya know? Dont hang out near candles on shoulder-high shelves.

Tampa (and Naples) FLA were amazing! Gasparilla and Double Jaye etc was so so good. Let me say that city has some amazing taco stands, and cannonballs going off every 10 seconds durting the parade. Just check out Panic Johnson below...he HATES it. I was actually waiting for a video to be posted to you-tube before I blogged about it, but joe is taking his time, particularly for an IT nerd.

UPDATE: here is the video! Not only is the EuroDog beer chugging excellent, but mostly Panic Johnson in the backgroud (red tshirt), who most certainly does not like the cannons going off.



Fras and I showing our game



Panic Johnson



So...so so soon I leave for Londres, which is tops-off fannntastic! Like less than 48 hours its all me in the back of a cabbie at 3am coming from Brixton screaming...."I WANT HALAL FOOD! HALAL! HALAL! HALLAAAAAAAAAL' until I get tackled by my brother and a hand over my mouth kidnap-style.

Anyways, piece ya'll and will see you cholos on the flip side.

PS ya'll - if have run across a pic of me in Tampa that looks incriminatingly digusting - ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! it was there before I got there. swear to god.

Project Mayhem. Naples, FLA



EFf-elle-aye. Naples is kinda effed-up because there is no crime, no problems, all nice, all good, all clean, all old people enjoying retirement and their money. Maybe not a strong dose of reality, but an excellent place to escape and relax. The houses are like every house you see on 'The OC' and they are all on these canals with fountains in the front drive. The first day i was here, all I could hear was the voice of 'The fabulous life of...' in my brain. And it was like "and when Claire goes on vac-ay-tion..she goes to naples floridaaaaah, where celebrities pave the sidewalks and the best life has to offer is at her fingerrrrtips'.

So like, apparently Judge Judy lives around the corner. holler!

They call the women that walk around here 'tits on sticks' which is um, kinda eggsactly what i was thinking.

There arent any street-lights even...its hard to drive at night. But its makes star-gazing amazing, consider we are in southwest eff-elle-aye. So with the lack of crime, garbage, bums or cigarette buts, i've taken to just walking around barefoot everywhere i go. why not? its so nice. and if you havent worn flip-flops in a while, they just give you blisters anyways.

I found a bike in the shed in the house we are satying at which has also made things nicer. I love love love marry-poppins style bikes. I have one each summer since my first year in the Trot, and I always say they are my livelyhoood, and they really are. Such a great feeling cruising around... independant and freeing. What a hippie, i know. But if i was a psycologist, I would perscribe marry-poppins bikes to every girl I know.

I've also realized that my musical preference when running, is reggae. Sounds strange I know, but Junior Gong, Dennis Brown and Toots really get me moving. I also realized I am definitely getting steel drums at my wedding. Love those.

I am watching Fight Club. Serial. What a good movie. Minus Jared Leto, who is a total douche.

Piece hombres.

Bevrage - I just threw that down playing Scrabble



Confession: did I mention how much I fucking love playing Scrabble? Its sick. Nobody ever wants to play with me so, shit you not, sometimes I go into online fucking "game rooms" and play other people. Probably some 14-year old in Tulsa with more zits than I had at 14, which is alot. Trust me, I know. Not cool. At least I am over Sudoku.

So lately I've been posting more 'news oriented' pieces, mp3s of crap most people already listened to back in August - not that it mattered. Mostly because I didnt feel like talking about myself and my weird dreams or scaring the shit out of people with my stare-down anymore. But now I feel a bit more like diarizing. So I got dealt wildcard yesterday and its just weird how life always seem to keep me in check, before I get too comfortable with anything. I'm not say I have dealt with some of life's larger struggles. In truth, its all good because if life was easy for me all the time, then I would probably honestly turn into the spoiled glencoe-mom-wannabe-dumb-blonde-in-a-range-rover everyone probably thinks I am. I'm all about street cred...shout out to my Representation (you know who you are) I know everyone has struggles, so dont get all uppidy about me crying myself a river, cus I aint...but seriously I do want a black Range Rover so godamn bad it hurts sometimes looking at them, is that shallow?



But then I look at this potentially not-cool situation and then all these wicked things in your life start to surface, like how fucking amazing my friends are (love you guys!), and my brothers and parents turn into really really rad people and its almost a like a blessing the nasty shit happens sometimes...or like whatever doesnt kill me will eventually morph into superpowers. I wish sometimes I didnt freak out and I didnt put so much pressure on myself and sit back realize shit is working out not too bad in the grand scheme of things. I think maybe its just way I am built. You know...tall, lanky arms, long legs, bruises easily, super long toes, nice jumpshot and incredibly hard on myself. I'm dealing. No better than dealing. Its like a week ago I watched my dermatologist gash away at my thumb (after he froze it), and I watched the whole thing, even though it was a complete bloodbath and sick cus he was removing this cyst on my knuckle and the skin on my hand streached out like 4 inches. Its just humbling or refreshing. Even tho I know those words dont mean the same thing.

K I just reread all that quickly and bit of barf came into my mouth. I know its nonsensical, but eh, its my blog yo.

grab a drink, grab a glass
after that i grab your ass

PS - K seriously, is it honestly completely gauche to pee while talking to someone on the phone? I try not to do it too much, but I think it should be universally accepted. I'm not saying you can have an ass-plosion in the toilet while we are talking, but I am just staying, if we are on the phone, you can pee. I wont judge.

PPS - I am no longer spell cheking this shit, so suck it if you dont like it.

What it do



Booked my ticket to London which is straight bangin' yo! And I convinced Keele to follow suit which is makes my toes wiggle just thinking about all the fun we'll have.! My visa is gonna get as ass whopping at topshop obvs.

Hi res images (1600 x 1200) of some of Banksy's work are now available at his website in the shop. Kissing coppers, the maid in london (my personal fave), laugh now, house on hill, bombed village and more available for your background/screensaver pleasure... or if you feel lilke opening a black market t-shirt or poster factory, there you is! all set to roll! Considering the lowest price for one of his works was $100K at his last show (Brad and Angelina bought one - natch) ...this could be a profitable venture. What a guy!

Here is a Haiku I wrote for everyone....

Its so cold.
The air is so thin; that
I can hear
the footsteps squishing
of people
walking down the street below.

Fact: Haikus have to reference the a specific season and its quality. Which I did...so, just sayin...snot my first time. I also realize this haiku has more than 17 syllables, and is also completely retarded, but that was the point.

Warhols Children



Dash Snow, crazy hipster druggie artist of downtown new york had the cover story of this weeks New York and totally facinated me. He rolls with Ryan McGinley whose work (photography) was initially featured in Vice (I think) and I remember to seeing his show at the Whitney in nyc by chance a couple years ago when I was there. Also in their crew is Dan Colon...(the three amigos are pictured above). Anyways their friend, Dash Snow at 25, is a growing downtown legend, a graffiti writer turned artist rebelling against his pedigree as an heir to the Slumberger oil fortune in Houston. So the whole article is crazy-interesting because the lifestyle depicted and the approach to their work is so intense and hilarious and modern... its scary and enlightening all at the same time.

Most shocking part is the art-installation called Hampster-cage, where they shred up to 50 phonebooks in a hotel room, get naked, turn on the taps, lock the doors and ingest copius amounts of drugs and...well..act as hampsters. Its so sick and disgusting - I am totally facintated. Apparently this is all totally changing the art-world....in the 'this is the life I lead and document' a-la Warhol....whatvs. Anyways, hopefully it grips you as much as it did me (and if not, may I suggest not visiting this site as I hate to dissapoint). Love it or hate it, the shit is ridic.

.......ah to be an artist....who wants to hampster-cage my apartment this saturday night? lol! omg! jk! ttyl!

article here:
Chasing Dash Snow (NewYorkMagazine)


Lizzy, by Ryan McGinley, 2002

Chan Baby



Cat Power was the soundtrack to my Christmas break which was as pleasant as a warm wheel of brie. I'll be the first to admit I slept on this album bigtime....other than reading what a crazy drunk she was. Anyways, the song Willie is the sadest, realest, coolest, painful track I've listenened to in a while. Mostly I listen to it in my car driving too fast and fazing out around lower mount royal trying to get home from friends houses during the weeknight, dodging cars coming at me in the other direction.

Willie - Catpower (mp3, right click save ass)

(metronome: thanks for adding this to my cd xmas prez)

ps - watch the video interview in the new york times piece above. too good.

I'm only saying this to you because...



I am sooooo sick of seeing my same-old, beat, blog post. Sometimes I've caught myself checking this site now and again, just to (check my webstats) see if someone else has magically updated it for me. Sigh...but nope. Here it is...zzzz, borring.

Fraser thinks I should simply resort to posting nude cellphone pics of myself. Eye roll.

So Christmas/New Years. What can I say? holler at a player! Canmore New Years was definitely tops-off awesome. Good times with the jukebox in the Drake basement. Nothing better than FMac and I "working the ones and two's'' and getting all jaggere'd Amaze amaze dance party back at mine till late into the early morn. Oh ya I also made the spaghetti and meatballs on NYEve for like 15 peeps...the recipie I talked about down lower on my blog, turned out crazy delicious.

Partying with my hombre BJB buddy benny b, benge on a 12 hour wet-lunch = also great.

Now begins time for me to get the hell out of this city. London first, then perhaps Brazil/Bolivia with Keele for a "spritiual" experience in the mountains. Gonzo. I am totally tapped out.

Whoever is going around killing wild horses in Alberta is a dumbass douche.

I got a digicam and a pink ipod-nano at Christmas so I officially feel 15 years old. I gotta say I secretly love how disgusting the ipod looks. It almost rots my teeth just looking at it.

Friday am I am going to les montaignes rocheuse for two days to ride the sweet baby pow-pow gnar, gnar...so piece and TGIF ya'll.

So, who wants to move to paris with me?

Happy Holidays from my hood to yours

All I want for Xmas

Classic Sandberg SNL short

smokin, drinkin, dancin'...till 6 in the morn



Biggups to Joannas amaze throwdown on Saturday night. I havent heard so many positive reviews from one house party since we carried a keg across Elbow Park to PM's basement in summer of first year uni. I counted 6 emails today full of positivity. Tamiqua had an amazing night. Brutal conduct on everyones behalf, high fives all around...particularly our new friend Soupstain! one surly fucker that night.

Anywhoops my back/forth issues are dunzo. Thank god. New rule: blog about it and it goes away. Maybe if I blog about things I want, they will magically appread in my bathtub tomorrow morning?

Trip to Costa Rica, preferably Nosara
Healthy Family
Healthy Family dogs
Someone to :
- do my Christmas shopping,
- pay off my visa,
- rip the computer out of my hands when on ebay
Kitchen Aid Mixmaster
New Calphyon sauce pan
Mandoline
Somebody to wake me up in the morning, rather than my alarm clock
Thicker Hair

...ya that basically covers the essentials.

Confession: Sometimes when I see people running errands while wearing Santa hats, I feel like tripping them.

Michel Gondry Solves a Rubiks Cube with his Feet (vid here)

Thats Right! Ya heard?!

Im dropping mother-fucking Garfield on your ass!



Now go eat some lasagna!

I am actually totally craving making spaghetti and meatballs these days. I cant say enough about lasangna or meatballs....in my book, as long as they have veal (and pork) in them. So goooood. Yumm. I watched Barefoot make them the other day and they looked so so delish. I am making then this Sunday. I'll get back to you on them.

Junior Boys. I have to say, I totally passed judgement on this group. Their music is crazy in the way Kruder and Dorfmeister or Aim's Cold Water Music used to be for me. Its totally kind dancey-electro, but in a not-so-irritating way. I guess I'll take a small sebatical from [posting about pure-gangsta shit.

I remember Fras and I were reading the "I seen you" section at the back of FFWD and there was a message that said: All you people at the Junior Boys who weren't dancing SUCK!

It was a totally lame message, but I have to give biggups 'cus their tracks do seem to get in my head. Parts of this song are crazy, but its a fun, catchy, peppy 6 minute break to your day.

Junior Boys - Like a Child (right click save asswipe) I bet there is a really good remix with some gangsta rap, just my steeze.

Other interesting band, C.L.A.W.S - watch for it.

Like honestly.




I flippin just knew it. After I blogged about my nightmares, it worked! They went away. phewf ya'll!

Onto a new mental health issue. Ever since that guy this morning at Starbucks took my Grande Americano, I knew things were going to be rough. So. cough. ahem. throat clearing noise....here I go. Why is it that I can feel two polar opposite thoughts in the span of, say, an hour? Its becoming so brash that I am starting find myself mildly irritating.

Love/Hate
Hair down/Hair up
I need to workout/treat yourself to Pizza today!
This outfit looks good/You need to spend more time getting ready in the morning
Redheads/Black guys
Forgive/Forget
Trade the gas/Wait a bit longer
Move to Paris/I love Calgary
I hate winter/I hate winter
Blog/Take down the blog

We'll see where this goes. But I have had it up to here with myself.

I had a dream about this Saturday night. I'm at Duttons and its full of frat-type boys, men in golf shirts, and chicks with bad handbags and stressed-out hair speaking loudly about inane topics. Not so nice. Then someone warns me not start a fight. Which I kind of love. This could be interesting.

ice blignin', are you listenin?
on my ride, chrome is glistenin'
the music is tight! we're rolling tonight
rollin' in a winter wonderland!

Where have YOU been?...



So... 'where have you been??? you never blog anymore", and I say "here's a better question: where have YOU been, huh?" ...."thats right...you.... hmmmm? yeah? i thought so" . eye roll!

First off, I'd like to ask everyone to take 2 mintues out of your day to call the City of Calgary Taxi Commission and complain about the lack of cabs. It reallly honestly only takes 2 secs and a nice old lady actually answers the phone and politely will register your complaint. I wrote my alderman and she says that if enough complaints are received (and they are indeed flooding in) that they may issue more permits. So calll...right now! Its almost your civic duty!

Calgary Taxi Commission
221-3581

UPDATE: things are really heating up ya'll! Keep the calls coming in!

Another interesting thing I came across was this article about how the Motorola RAZR went from a $500 phone to a $29 phone. I have to admit, I thot they were pretty slick when they first came out, but soon everyone had them, and worse still, were complaining about how shite they were. Anyways, good read. I hate phone companies.

Ever wonder what that girl over there looks like naked? (slightly nsfw). Finally, is it just me or is Rocky from Laguna really just not that hot? she must put-out bigtime cus she give me the heebs.

Movin

I am moving to nyc to go work in the Google cafeteria.

"One small one...!!!!"

(ps: that was a g-coe cafereria inside joke! somebody slap me and call me a snob...or just slap me).

If you're ever in the 312, Holla at a playa



Remember when you were watching Borat and you were like "what the...?" or "how the...?". Well this article delivers alot of answers to those questions. Not that I want to tear down the whole Borat-love, cus there is nothing more than I enjoy than the general public enjoying a good comedy (a-la-Austin-Powers when it first came out). But why did I feel like I was the only one not laughing my ass off during the screening of Borat? I dont mean this post to be about ripping apart everything Borat is about, but rather, realizing that there are people out there who, while sitting in the theatre, were wondering the same thing as me. I guess I coudn't sit back and enjoy, because the whole time I was wondering how they got such a racist frat boys, or homophobic pigs to be so tacky on film.

Lo Siento, no mucho blog por mis amigos and amigas

Granted I did have the last 4 days off work and granted I hadnt posted in days, the truth is, this blog is almost face-down-in-a-bathtub-dead. At least I can admit it right? Go here and here to read someones blog who posts not only semi-regularly but full-fledged once-(or twice)-a-day. Ah…I remember the days at my craptacular advertising job when free time and internet were not only available, but a right. I couldn’t start my day without a good one hour sesh on the net, inspring me to blog. Now I don’t cruise till I get home, and by that time I don’t feel like spending my time working on a post. Such is life.

When are we getting spinach back?? Way back on September the Canadian Food Inspection Agency closed the border to spinach, which was my go-to veggie and really my only reason to eat salads. What is the point with iceberg and mescalin mix being about as nutricious as a carrot stick. On Oct. 30, the agency lifted the restrictions of imported spinach from the U.S., with the exception of spinach grown in San Benito and Monterey counties, where the E. coli outbreak occurred - which is where almost all spinach is grown. Haruuumpf! Anyways, if Winnipeg is getting spinach, WHERE IS OURS? I was at Safeways and Sunterra this weekend, and nada…We are Calgary dammit!!

Switching gears once more, I have to applaud the guys at MTV Canada who do the Laguna remixes (taking clips from the show). I loved this one and was glad to be directed to it on YouTube. Oh Cami, you have the largest chest of any 16 year old I have, like, ever ever seen.

Whoopeee

I cant stop with the Gangsta music



Sometimes I have this dream where I am a superhero dressed in this hot-pink outfit and I am zipping all over the place in this crotch-rocket type motor'bike. I have this sweet-ass tech watch on my wrist, that also acts as my two-way....so I can keep in touch with HQ Luxembourg and get new updates/commands for my various secret missions. So in this once scene, I lift my two-way watch to my mouth and descretely tell it which birth control I am on……

BOOOOOOOOOOONG!!!!!!!!! silly! that is that embarassing Alesse commercial that I see everyday.

No but seriously, I have been having really bad dreams these days, and the weird thing is they are immediately in the first 1/2 hour of falling asleep. I know this because I stop reading and turn off the light to go to sleep at, say 10: 55 pm, then next thing I know, my body goes crazy beserk and I am jerked out of my sleep. I look at my alarm clock and its 11:15 pm. Just 20 mintues. Very strange, no? They usually involve me being groped, or some skitzoid is all of a sudden in front of me with a creepy look on his face. I know, I know. I’m just describing all of this in hope that by acknowledging this unfortunate situation, it will go away.

Its not bothering me that much because in all honesty, I feel like my chances of being attacked by a creep are are quite low, for two very important reasons:

1. My stare-down. I think my stare-down can be pretty good. I can make it quite aggressive. When I turn it on, people look the fuck away when I look at them, because they are scared that my eyes might pierce their black heart. Sometimes this piercing can go the wrong way tho, particularly with a few bums that hang around Safeways 4th street. I think they like it.

2. Two older brothers. This is like a Trump-card to any girl who fears being attacked in a dark alley. Starting early is the key to everything, and this rule applies to regular beat-downs. You learn quick and while you're young and stupid, you experiment with different techniques in getting out of various holds. I have so many years of self-defence, I am sure I qualify for some sort of martial arts belt. With two older brothers (each over 6'2 by grade 10), you learn how to get out of the classic 'behind-your-back-chokehold' in a matter of seconds.

Anyways, on the topic of stare-downs and being bossy, check out this clip of Kelis performing Bossy live. Diamonds on my neck, di-diamonds on my grill. I think thats called an ass that wont fucking quit. Gotta love that outfit.





Not likely...cause I'M A BOSS

Cherries Cherries Cherries




What is with Boy Scouts these days? The Boy Scouts of America, with the help of the Motion Picture Association of America, have introduced a program to raise awareness about copyright. Scouts can earn a "Respect Copyrights" patch for the ol' uniform. Barf. First the whole, no gay leaders thing, now this (article here). My little Shaquille will not be a Boy Scout! period. Are the Brownies and Girl Guides being equally as embarassing? I still love wearig chocolate brown tights tho.

I'm not really a fan of getting into conversations about the legality or illegality of mp3 blogging... it's a pointless conversation, don't you think? Pandora's box is already open...so to speak..that whore. She'll probably go as a french maid for Halloween. Typical.

Oh.my.god...how hilarious are those Vibe 98.5 commercials of the girls rocking out to Promiscuous Girl in their car, along 17th ave, driving in the suburbs and standing in front of City Hall?!? Its like, listen, its pretty funny watching someone lipsynching in real life...its like cute, but definitely dorky. Is this really something you want to promote your station with? One time somebody busted me in High School lipsynching in my car on Elbow Drive/Sifton Blvd. rocking out and banging my hand out the windown on the top of the car. insane. Was probably Snoop or the Spin Doctors! Anyways, just watching that commercial makes me go red in the face - trés embaressant...(actually, thats not saying much seeing as I got red in the face about 20 times a day).

Was at Duckies this past weekend. Again scared shitless to karaoke ever since I failed miserably at both Real Slim Shady and Never Ever (All Saints). I just dont seem to be able to pick songs that work well as karaoke. What about something by the Gypsy Kings? Umbalayyooooo

In celebration of Boy Scouts, here is an mp3...going out to Taco. He's been giving me free hosting of mp3's for the last two years. Ya you did!

Ratatat/Spank Rock remix - BackyardWildcat

ps - Does anyone know where to get a good banana split around here? I am dying. In Paris, you can get them everywhere...I'm just sayin'.

Now this is a story, all about how my life got flipped - turnedupside down



Has anyone seen those SickKidsFoundation.com commercials? video here. Ripped my heart out. Makes it seem like you're listening to Lean On Me for the first time.

Was that gauche-blogging content?

I love getting home at 3:20 and 'couch and coors light-ing it' playing with TiVo. Its like I am Will Smith as Fresh Prince of Belair y'all... (but the white, blonde-haired girl version) just maxin', relaxin' all cool.

Here is a joke:

Your moma is so fat, it takes her FOREVER to stop eating.

Thuggish Ruggish Bone



This morning woke up to catch a 6am flight to Grande Pairie for a meeting at a gaz plant...cus THAT IS HOW I ROLL!!! We drove to the plant in a pimped out half-tonne truck like everyone else in GP....check out the oil my half-tonne spiiiiills

Wrapped up our meeting by 11.30 and then tried to fill up the rest of the day, which in the Geep, is pretty hard. First stop was Winners where i found two hand-knit Ralf Lauren sweaters.... Popped-my-collar and hit the cash register, yo! cus that is how i roll!

Then we hit up Costco. Nothing for me there, wandered around eating samples of Taquitos, cereal and mini-pizzas and browsing cookbooks. No shit, the girl who was samplig the pizzas belted out in Christina Aguilera-style: "there's always something good going down at Mr. Sub!" - made a small part of mini-bagel pizza go up into my nose.

I spent the rest of the time waiting for my coworker in a massage chair. Then we gave up and headed to the airport lounge where i filed my nails a bit and read my trashy book cus...THAT IS HOW I ROLL! Taking the company plane would sound more pimped if it didnt have propellers on it. Granted checking in/out of the private jet area of the airport makes flying almost bearable.

On another note, I just went thru my junk-mail folder tonight...'CUS THAT IS HOW I ROLL! and I was pretty amazed by some of the subjects:

You're going to LOVE to new un-obese you!

Become more financially responsible AND a better lover!

Hipster-Pirates BEWARE!

In the sprit of Casual Fridays (Corporate Casual)…here are some casual thoughts on the pirate-trend.

Real pirates will rape you and and burn your eyes out with torches. They have wooden teeth and wooden legs and wooden hearts. They smell like rotting fish and diarrhea.

Real pirates are not a bunch of hipsters sitting around going "argh mate" and shit. When a pirate wears an eyepatch it is because HE DOESN’T HAVE AN EYE THERE. It’s not because he picked it up at the dollar store and thinks it’s genius. He also has a wooden leg cus it got sawed off by some other mother-fucking pirate.

Fake pirate hipster shit - don’t even THINK about it! If I see any hipster pirates during Halloween, I am gonna burn their eyes out with a lighter…or just roll my eyes and call them lame behind their backs.

Admit it

Its National Coming-out Day today.

Get That

Last night I went to see The Departed, with my long lost T-rot friend, Rosco. He had a bad case of hangover (a-la Banff, go figure) while I had actually gotten through a day being completely productive. Read: slept in until 11am, went for a run, including the stairs behind the glencoe, and a trip to Home Depot and Williams Sonoma..honestly who gets this pumped about a sautée pan? Me. Anyways, the Departed...amazing movie. Like I told Rosco on the way to the theatre..."I think we're about to witness a couple oscar winning performaces here". And I was not disapointed....particulary one from that guy who drew Kate Winslets tits in Titanic.

I am going to go ahead and put it up there with GoodFellas...while there are alot of similarities, its totally modern. The amount of cellphone flippin and and baby-face Damon droppin' f-bombs - its totall fulfilling...not to mention Baldwins amaze performace - love that guy. Similar to Good Fellas, there are musical montages to 70's classic rock (Comfortably Numb, Gimme Shelter) that seem to work so well in gangsta films. Anyways, point is...go see it. And I'm out...this blog post is wrapping up as a movie reccomendation. Shabam!

yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo!

Buckets



I'd love to wax cheezeballs about autumn, but lets get real - it doesnt exist in Calgary. The leaves fall from the trees and then turn yellow on the ground. Anyways, I move onto topics of interest Vegas was... err, totally g'yeah!! The Palms was slick and hangin' with a bachelor party (obvs! its vegas!) of Katrina Victims was pretty hilair. And that sums up the 'gin soda in a pint glass' version of the story (ie. water water water'd down).

Now I am back, to you...yes you. My blog, my apartment, my tivo, coors lights, my cookbooks...god. Okay, so what total bullshit is it that there is a character on Laguna Beach...(okay not a character, but a waiter who makes an appearance)..who is called Taco?!?! Bullshit MTV! The nerve! you stole that nickname from our man...Taco, the IT technician. God.

So I have seen that nobody included any comments about potential extracurricular activities for me? I assume that that is your (the people) way of telling me to be either hung or drunk all Thanksgiving weekend. You think that's news people? Get real. Give me something new. I have had to take things into my own hands and will be going to the home-opener you fuckers. So
I'll see you in Duttons dumbass. Its been a while. Last time I was in Duttonze, the Flames lost to Anaheim and I was mumbling something about 'fuck the world' and JR was crying. Could be a dramatic evening.

Ahem...cough



Tokyoooooooooo, drift drift drift drift! now this is the part where we lock eyes. Query..... Should I start taking up poker very seriously (start with some online-shit maybe)...with the goal of entering tournaments?

oh! check out this video of Matthew McConaughey dancing like a NUT at Austin City limits. Dawn and Pete saw him this day I think! what a nerd, i love it...

So... Dancing with the Stars (did I say that?) ya basically all the couples are all about dropping hints that they're sleeping with eachother..which makes the show even more revolting. I only keep it on while I'm cleaning my place.



On

Nouveau Riche



Chalk up another weekend where I am drinking too much and doing too little with the rest of my time. I need something, someone, anything to pull me away from this two dimensional, semi-meaningless existence. Don't get me wrong, there was an impromtu dance party in my apartment last night at about 11pm, in between the nights venues involving bagu, taco, and bagman...which was exhillirating. It was called Number One Dance Moves, and well..the theme is pretty obvious. I regress...in the summer, there was hiking and golf...but with all the rain (granted it was a balmy 25 degrees all weekend) it seems like i am entering the shoulder season of extracurricular activities. So, I'll be taking suggestions in the comments area as to a hobby or activity (please keep it classy) that I can do before the snow starts and I will be busy making love to the sweet baby pow pow gnar gnar of the mountains. Otherwise, I'll spend the rest of my time looking at this photo of Willie Nelsons stash and pondering the order I would ingest it all in. Kidding, god. Anyways, just remenbered that I am going to Vegas this weekend (with Bagu no less! yikes!) so basically all the above was really just the blosphere's equivalent of JS shit-talkin on a Friday night...blah blah blah.

And I was all...

• Say what? Stephon Marbury has a $15 shoe that he plans to wear all season?
• Oh, Banksy...you again!
• My fave new track on Lupe Fiasco's new album Food & Liquor (best name evs for an album) You My - Lupe
• Atlantic records for T.I clearance, still cant get enuff of this song

Dear Calgary Flames,

Obviously, I love you. So does everyone, but this isn't about that. Thing is, there is a complete retard working within your marketing/communications department. Firstly, lets go back to April '06. You send a letter to gamepack ticket holders (read: me and bagu1975) with options to purchase an additional "playoff" gamepack (well, duh!). In it, you specify ticket package options A or B ...and within that, payment mehods A or B making it honestly look like to get gamepack B, you had to choose payment method B.... and jesus christ if you dont screw up the entire ordering process and make a typo in the letter in the first place. THEN!, this week you send us another letter for this years regular season pre-purchase sale of additional tickets....you note it begins at 10am Thursday September 15th. Nice work dumbass, because the 15th is a goddamn FRIDAY! Honestly, in my old profession, you'd be fired for this sort of typo. I mean a pre-sale of Flames tickets and they make a fucking typo on the date! irreprehensible! no respect! fire him! (yes its obvs a him)

On a more positive note, biggups to Stewart Neil McDermid (aka Ashton Shaquille) for being born on the first day of NFL football....and who will either be running Elbow Park, or its IT department, by 2030.

You had me at Taco

Forget SexyBack, its all about JT's latest My Love. Now don't be hattin' cuz this one is a real bamma jamma. And I'mma gonna give it you yuuuuuss



Justin Timberlake - My Love
(right click, save asswipe)

Oi, Jigga, I'm thirsty too!

Dear Summer... and My Blog



First, you - Summer. It was fun while it lasted. I was glad to end off our time together with 2 cent vodka/redbulls courtesy of a non-existent Montana liquor tax. Now...bear in mind...I am off to Vegas in a couple weeks so I am just hoping you and I can keep banging to maintain my tan...maybe just Friday nights?. (side note to self: get new bikini for The Palms poolside). Thanks also for TiVo, even tho we are still working through the kinks of our relationship. For instance, JUST because I like My Super Sweet 16, does not mean i like Yo Momma. Cold shoulder to you for that one. So is Bobby Flays' cookbook...and Vendage wine in tetra-packs (so suitable for roadtrips, errr, I mean camping!?!)

Now, to this godamn-time-hogging-self-absorbed blog. More reminiscing. In a couple of weeks, it’ll be two years since the inception of this blog. My first impulse at the time was two-fold: the snob internerd-geek in me wanted to start the first blog the marjority of my friends read. And also one of the worlds most mindless jobs of my life lead to an extraordinary amount of spare time in front of a computer. But after documenting Britney's downfall and other lame celebs...things turned around. For a while now, I suspected that this blog needs to die...or in the very least, get a purpose. Focus. Concept. So...I encourage you, dear reader, to help me, help you. Tell me what you want. In the meantime, my new resolution is to roam the blogsphere further while simulatneously farther, and in doing so take my posts to the blogspot equivalent of a jalepeno cordog from a gaz station in Montana. While the lion’s share of posts will likely still remain shit talking, white girl rap lovin, food review-related, its gonna take a bit for me to see where this thing is going. Hang in there you little bitch!

My Coworker Says Tuesday like this:

Tooosday.

I now interrupt your busy workday with this very critical public service announcement: it has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of e-coli bacteria found in feces, in other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop!
Now, on the other hand...we do not run that risk when drinking beer because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting. To summarize:

WATER = Poop
BEER = HEALTH

Free yourself of Poop, drink BEER. It is better to drink beer and talk shit than to drink water and be full of shit. Ya heard!?!

Okay dumbass, now look at this pic of jigga and lachey! Lachey drinks Corona..so there you go.

Yessur!

So I thot I would bang one out before the weekend got here. But sometimes thinking of something to blog about …can be a hard motherfucker to pin down. So I present to you, a special feature to homeroom titled "Planned or Abandoned Posts"

Planned, and potentially abandoned:
-a review of the newly rennovated Victoria's (bakery, bistro, bar etc).
-a photo essay and discussion of my top 5 moments of summer
-a commentary of Fraser's old blog posts here, back when he was a guest contributor

abandoned:
-a discussion on the merrits of wine glasses
-a critique of having tips gelled onto your nails like a ghetto princess
-a post about my internet habits, which people often ask me about (a few favourites, where I store links, how long it takes me to find somethig I need, how I organize my bookmarks, etc)
-a post about Antiques Roadshow and/or The Hills
-some thoughts about the new 7-Up being made with 'all natural' ingredients.

This morning I woke up with an axe in my head. You see, this axe is an old friend that I love hanging out with on Saturday mornings...., so many memories, well blurry but still memories. Ya thats all I got.

I got 5 on it

• Big Mac or Whopper (table art)
• Dipset, the movie
• Sudoku beating algorithm here
• I still read "get-your-war-on" ...these comics are trop funny!
• Here is my review of Laurier Lounge - average. (p.s. - note to all restaurants, please throw away your beat copy of the St. Germain cd...its so done - even my mom is over it, and you may as well be playing the Gypsy Kings!)

NCAA Nerd Alert!

Running accross this little factoid on the internet almost made me shiver with embarassment. JJ Reddick and Adam Morisson meet online and play Halo 2? Whoa. I mean I really had a thing for both of these players while they were at Duke/Gonzaga respectively, but this information just poured wet garbage all over my crush. I guess when they bawled like babies during this years tournament.... that was pretty bad too. When I wrote about that whole scene here, my mind wasn't made up...blech...but now it is. God sometimes I make poor choices.

Does Your Chain Hang Low?

... by the newest novelty blingiest rapper, Jibbs! (???) Most asstounging lyrics ya'll have ever heard....and the hook? even more hilarious and catchy!The sweetest loop... it will rot your teeth immediately!...I dont usually post too many YouBoobs, but this one is a guaranteed laugh (or at least a chuckle), and who doesnt love that little song the ice cream truck makes?


Does yo chain hang low
Do it wobble to the flo
Does it shine in the light
Is it platinum, Is it gold
Could you throw it over ya shoulda

Bonus track blast from the past
CampLo - Lucini .mp3

Straight Bangin'



Cheers. Sweet watch bro.

I give good blog



The setting up TiVo. The 3 cold FX. The daily/nightly/fucking hourly 7 second chat with my mom. The laundry. The dishes. The get-together for sushi. The chatting and laughing with Claire D. The sipping of water. The nap. The accupuncture. The bike ride home up 4th street. The checking, waiting of anticipated emails. The 3 coldFX. The being introduced by Lindsay to a waitress at the Met with a mystic tan, a lot of eyeliner and a wrinkly dress. The sunglasses off. The sun moving behind bankers hall. The expensed lunch date. The gaz scheduling. The cappucino. The pipelines. The mulitgrain toast with butter and peanut butter. The Americano. The bike down 4th street and its almost too dark and cold at 6.15 am these days to keep biking in skirts and cardigans. The 3 coldFX. The alarm.

Anyway, that's the overall, basic summary of today. But it's in the opposite order.

Hips don't lie

So I am having major issues with my hips these days. Mostly from pulling my lanky limbs mountains on Sundays, but potentially from Gypsy cabs as well. Upside has been my new addiction to accupuncture which I've been getting done at physio every week. Anyone who thinks massages are the best way to relax or ease sore muscles...you dead wrong!

WE WANT PRENUPT!, WE WANT PRENUPT! Yeeuuuh

Paul McCartney's soon-to-be ex may get one quarter of his fortune, or about $423 million. Seems like a lot for a four year marriage that produced one child.

Get down girl... ga head get down'!
Get down girl... ga head get down'!

Another Washing Machine Related item...

Did you know that you can wash pillows? This is truly the first bloggable thing I have thought of in days. I mean lets face it, material has been pretty weak in this joint (dont worry, I was noticing too). 27 more posts and i am at 700 total homeroom posts in almost 3 years. i'l considering hanging it up then.

use a liquid detergent in cool water, preferably two at a time on a short, delicate cycle...thoroughly rinsed, reset the rinse cycle twice.... put a couple of tennis balls in the machine to fluff them... ring out the pillow really well before putting in to tumble dry so as not to damage your dryer.

PS - i think i was in a gypsy cab last night at 3am barelling thru lower mount royal. that fucker drove so crazy i went sliding across the entire back seat and crushed my pinky....had nothing to do with the whiskey sours.

Jimmy's on 4th

Right near crack corner, Jimmy's A&A is opening up...an offshoot of the location of the shawarma/convinience store near SAIT. While Jimmy himself is somewhat annoying (i usually pretend i dont speak english when he talks to me, this kinda works)...the shawarma's and gyros are so so good. I cant wait till this opens. Anyhoops, I noticed today on my bikeride into work that its looking like the renos are comming along (located where the old Barbie shop was). huuyeah...garclicky shish tawook sauce.

Whitefish



Other than my awful wipeout, long weekends generally rule..right? I got my burn on, my day-drinking on, and my jerk chicken on. Deeeeelish! I also played the best poker of my life, but nobody wants to hear about me taking everyone's money and buying Tivo right? thot so.
Oh ya, I heard someone wanted to know if I knew I was wasn't black. Yo yo yo...yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo....Say whaaat?? Granted, when I was little, I used to go to sleep every night praying I would wake up black...give me a break brotha! I'm french!
A demain!

Please! Send Lohan to Iraq!

Cést une ideé fantastique!
Report: Lindsay Lohan Wants to See Iraq (read it here)

Is she taking applications for P.A. (personal assitant)?

Headache to the Beatles

This past long weekend in Whitefish...I took the biggest bail of my life wakeboarding. Tara set out to film me jumping the wake, but all she got was a botched jump from the start and me slapping against the water so hard...i lay there with my head in my hands for about 5 mintues. The best part of this video has got to be Fras' face at the end of it. Shortly afterward, I had to take 3 liquid advils and a glass of red.

Still tippin on 4-4's



Wow. Last nights Diplo/CSS/Bonde Do Role gig at Hi-Fi was definitely one of the best shows I've even seen in Calgs (for this type of music). That venue is hott when it comes to putting on a show that is for sure. The place was packed, sweaty and bumpin'. Both Brazillian bands were pretty cool, I particularly enjoyed Bonde Do Role who sounded crazy tribal. Diplo's music wasnt only so so amazing and original and grabbing, but totally made people go insane. Lots of cheering, hollerin', and bumpin & grindin'. On my way out I checked out the tour bus parked outside and saw a bunch of the brazillians chillin inside the pimped out bus. Then a couple of 'em smoking dutch in the parking lot...looking crazy styleeez. The chicks were all wearing crazy 80's patterned leggings, tshirts belted at the waist and high top sneaks. Like this. Love it!

I can only wish it was a Friday night...and I didnt have to be at work to sell gaz at 6.30 am.

PS - I also got to meet the two dudes from Certified Bananas which was sweet. nice guys.

'Bout time for a godamn mp3 posting !! ya heard!?!

This is gonna start off kinda French ...and end rasta/thug.

Cuizinier has to be the mec la plus 'ouf (!) in all of France.. since... I dont even know when. Anyone who knows me...knows...well.....a readheaded Parisien rapper!?!! its no wonder he is my #1 ranked friend on myspace. I love his nicknames too...like Young Queezy, and Quizi Quiz!

Cuizinier - Seulment Toi Feat Tido Berman (right click, save as)

Then a track by Manu Chao'- a new one that I aint heard. Also from Paris, I always think of Manu Chao when I see Feist (holla Thursday hippy Folk-Fest), cus he produced her album. Anywhoops, sometimes I like to keep it under the ''world music" category. Plus I discovered Manu Chao while living in France so.... whaaa......it cheezy but....

Manu Chao - Siberei Fleuve Amor (right click, save as)

A dedication to Diplo's event Wednesday night (ya, that's tonight yeah!) at Hi-Fi, a new Diplo mix taken from The Clipse new album.

Clilpse - Queen Bitch (Diplo Mix) (um....save your ass)

Wicked track by mixed album Queensbridge Meets Kingston. Mobb Deep lyrics with tracks produced from Bob Marley dubs and instrumentals. A thugged out version of Could You Be Loved.

Got it twisted - Queensbride Meets Kingston (look at my ass)

Wha????...

Compiled by Forbes and J.D Power Associates, the 5 least reliable luxury cars of 2006 are:

Land Rover LR3 SUV
Land Rover Range Rover SUV - nooooooo!!!!
Lincoln Navigator SUV
Saab 9-3
Volkswagen Touareg SUV

Rats! I guess I will reconfigure my dream to be the Mercedes G-Wagen, all trimmed out AMG steeze. Dipset! Jim Jones! Pop a bottle!

Ari Gold

I love this man. If you havent watched Entourage, you'll still love it...and no, its not gonna RUIN it for you.



I know, I swear, last post about Entourage. Check out this hilair pic of Hov and Lachey.
Then check out all this gold! And once you're done doing that...drink some Sparks. Oh wait, you probably cant cus your in Canada, right? Well this weekend, I am gonna get lick-the-floor drunk on this in Montana. Just kidding...just a few sips of gin and a couple silver bullets.

All the girls pass the weed to ya motherfuckin man GET EM HIGH

Rented Dave Chappell's Block Party tonight. What an amazing movie. Gotta say I was somwhat bummed that I hadnt seen it earlier, granted it was barely out in theatres in Calgs this winter. Anyways, seeing the Fugees reunite was insane and gave me crazy goosebumps. The whole Chappelle-shstick aint the focus of this movie, but is completely worth it for the musical performaces by Kanye, The Roots, Mos Def, Talib, Dead Prez...etc etc. Oh yea, and Jill Scott and Erika Badu kill it.

After spending the weekend in Kan-an-ass-kiss camping and listening to Johnny Cash, this was the perfect Sunday rental, which ...at the end of the day... isnt this what we're all searching for?

Related post on Homeroom: What ever happend to Lauryn Hill?

What am I thinking?

With the proliferation of so many new bloggers, I was emailing with a friend about this and they commented that its a nice way to find out what people are thinking/doing. So I asked them, "what do you think I am thinking"? Below is their response which I thought was totally postable.

Thoughts going thru Claire's head:

"I wonder what's on food network"
"If I rotate the beef another 45 degrees, how will that effect the grill marks"
"I wonder if anyone is picking up on this bag/shoe combo"
"my new toe color is off the chains"
"I wonder what Cam'ron is like in the sack"
"Thugs, quick, look over here"
"I think I need more flowers for my condo"
"I can't wait to get lifted and watch mtv"
"I don't know if I like corn dogs from the stampede, or nachos at the saddledome better"
"when is a rich dude going to buy me a Range Rover"
"I wonder what I should have for lunch"
"I wonder what I should have for dinner"
"I bet that top at holts is going to go on sale soon"
"look at my bum, look at my bum"
"more salt"
"I can't wait to drink 3 bottles of white, and a bottle of gin"

Today is gonna be the day

Where I blog 3 times? naw. Heeeyeeeeeeeeeeea! Hookay! Whooowat! This afternoon at yoga, this guy with a prosthetic leg was in front of me and completely blew my mind. He could do everything and was in super good shape. Remember the movie Murderball? Shit was amazing...swear to god. If y'all aint seen it, you should dial it up asap.



....must get to the point here. Should I write about what is going on in Lebanon? Hmm, okay. Bruce Dickenson (frontman for Iron Maiden, for those of you who haven't been to Kenora), is also a licensed pilot who has heroically rescued 200 people from the escalating madness in Lebanon.

Ma brotha! sweet move!

Oh yeah, PS - Ceasars was amazing! (piece out to my hommies Gordo and Simms)

Today

The Lord is looking down on me, because I am FINALLY going to Ceasar's Steak House. I am gonna tranquilize myself with cheese-bread, onion rings and red meat. If anyone finds me laying on the street downtown, please tell the paramedics that I was mainlining rare cuts of tenderloin and to just leave me be.

Ala Kazam...BOOM!

Big ups to Calgary, who reached the one million people population mark. Hopefully this means some sweet ass franchises and chains will open up here like H&M, Del Taco, Restoration Hardware etc etc.

On the dotted line please

Click here to sign the petition to have Beyonce re-shoot her new video for 'Deja Vu'. Very funny.

Dear Bobby Flay,

I hear you're a bit of a womanizer,... been married 4 times with multiple girlfriends or something? Whatever. You're recipies are amazing! I'm telling ya'll out there, the BEST summer grilling cookbook ever! Ya heard?

Between the:
BeerCan Chicken,
Grilled Potato Salad with Watercress, Scallions, & Blue Cheese Vinagrette,
Pressed Cuban-Style burgers,
Grilled Ribeye Steak with Cilantro Garlic Butter,
Ancho-Crusted Beef filets with Hot-and-Sweet Mint Glaze, and
Fish Taco's

...I just can't give enough props to you Bobby!

So the lesson, be an asswipe, cus if you do at least one thing excellent, everyone loves ya!
multiple girlfriends! love it!

Yours truly,

Claire

Uncomfortable Bang

Dakota Fanning has filmed a nude scene in which she gets raped. Holy Shit. Sickatating. Who would even think of this.

Straight 'Outta Conklin!



Peace out to the 'pede and welcome back evenings of my television, couch, balcony and flowers. Last nights view of the pyrotechniques from my kitchen gave me goosebumps. So does the track You Can't Save the World by Matt Ohhhhla and Cowpuncher. Click on that URL ya heard? cus that wee lil' website has some real gem photos on it, ferreals. Y'all can go there to download the track, granted its the live version that gave me the shiveries. Can you believe I just posted about a its-not-"not"-country-song? Maybe it was the Stampede getting to me or maybe cus Matt O has those rad sunglasses-over-glasses that I've been pining over and laughs at 65% of my jokes.

PS - tonight I downloaded and watched Season 3 of Entourage (unreleased) off bittorrent. Taco, you a computer genius boi! I love you man. This will be the bread and butter to my weeknights.

Along with MO&C (above) here is a little ditty from TI courtesy of The Rub that really took me thru the 'pede.

TI - Ride With Me High (B-Cause remix)

And to finalize, oi vey to Canning for getting his blogspot on with melting cheese (ooh gooey!) and to Pickle his dopple-G. Hombres be up in the joint!

I take it back, Stampede is pretty sweet. Bang! Bang!

Last weekend was raucus and the incomming photography is proving it. Some of this material should be submited to National Geographic. Truly ass-tonishing. Can you believe that after the party below, some little trustafarian-wannabe-bohemian had the nerve to write himself a little editorial (and I use that term loosely, its college student dribble) on the subject? Thing is, your life is the cliché. So, take your self-inflection and social commentary to The Barns behind the rodeo grounds and get barfed on and kicked in the nuts by a bull. Now that is some deep shit to write about.

I now proudly display the below.

I like Stampede and all, but give me another lake long weekend with my Hombres

This was my first time in Penticton. Good times, crazy heat.

raaaaape!

I Keep the Dutch Thick

Girls gone Weed. I talked about this before when it was just a MySpace site, but now that they have developed a brand new site, I am reminded of how much I want to be a part of it. I mean there is a store and recipies and all! too cool. God, I wish I was 22 again, minus the insecurity, lack of direction, shitty haircut and going to school part.

I'm a lean mean pot-smoking machine, feel me?

PS - what rules about my original post is the flippin' flames homeroom logo this site was rockin' back then

Corndogs be sooo Crazy Delicious!

• Famous homes from TV shows, six feet under, 90210 etc etc
• Black holes are tripping me out
• Friends or whatever of DGK and Diamond feelin' that homeroom shit, french steeze
• rent Entourage Season 2. "tell her assistant that if she does not call me back I will f**k her worse than I did in Cabo in '92"...."this morning i drove to work in a $80,000 mercedes and now i am going home in a prop from the fucking Fast and the Furious"

godamn well yes please!

One Moment of Clarity

I love it when clarity hits you. Its like...god! wtf! followed by total amazingness.

- i just had one.

Incidentally, may I say, that i also love that my name is part of the word.

Honestly

If this Jay-Z beyonce breakup shit is real, I am gonna flip. out. Naww...but I am gonna be a bit sad. Jigga, call me!

PS - please dont text message me. Shm-enCana, the gaz company who fronts my bill don't have it as part of their plan. Thank you and piece.

Calgary's 2 secs away from Genital Herpes

So I've been working on a theory'- a metaphor really. Calgary is like that chick in Junior High that was kinda awkward and not that cool, but then in High School she got super hot and everyone wants to fuck her. Now she is, like, all that, and really working it. Dressing a bit slutty and people are starting to talk. Apprently she gave a blow job to that exchange student outback in the Western parking lot during spare. I mean god...he is kind of a sleaze bag. Whatvs, let her have her 5 years of fame...the bitch deserves it.

Long Awkward Pose

These guys pretend they are taking your picture, but all the while have the video on the digi cam rolling instead...basically capturing your stale ass smile as you akwardly pose, waiting for the picture to be taken. Classic. Made me squeal and OMG totally LOL'd over this shit.
long awkward pose

I'm back ya'll

But what's with the language in the comments? Take it easy Anonymous, you know I can shit-talk all I want in this forum....but serial...my fresh-to-death laptop took a while to arrive, but upon unwrapping it, a tear almost started rolling down my cheek. Oh Dell! It's beautiful...really. I love it. Gosh, you know...so many changes these days for me. The Lord has truly been watching over me lately, blessing my soul. New job, new whip, new boat in Whitefish, new golf clubs, finally a computer at home! Ya maybe my bank account is double-negative-broke to the power of 6... but whose counting. The Oil lost which was pure bliss and to think the following night the NBA finals wrap up. Tres Intense!

Please Stand By

Homeroom will be back up June 19th. If you're looking for content, check out the archives on the righthand toolbar. Did you know: ?? Homeroom has been up and running since November 2004!

Extreme Attitude Adjustment

Please be patient while Homeroom undergoes an attitude adjustment. Things should be back to normal on Monday, so don't forget to check in next week my faithful readers. In the meantime, please enjoy the weather and sluts in tube tops and rah-rah skirts.

Pumping Gaz

So today is a landmark day my brotha. My last day in Advertising. I am leaving the agency world for good. We be finito. Overall I've found the industry in Calgary..how you say...zzzzzz. My work in T-Rot was fantastic but enough is enough and I will am moving into the world of Gaz Marketing. So goodbye graphic artist, goodbye art director, goodbye copywriter, goodbye billable hours and fee-for-service payment. Goodbye return-on-investment, brand identity, brand equity and secondary target audiences. So long dockets, status meetings, unique visitors and point-of-purchase materials. And finally, big ups to my hommies at ZG who I can honestly say are keeping it real as much as you can in this BS industry. I wish you guys the best.
Bloggin' may be slow for the next week or so while I learn the in's and out's of pumping gaz, so i am gonna piece out for a bit.

Pic time bitches!
Here is Taco and I piecing out during the '04 pede.

And then me and lovely piecing out a bit too, trading shades, and me of course getting all up in his grill.


Oh ya and lastly, I can't believe I am flippin' grad-ing' tonight! I still dont have a date, but you know... I didnt for my real grade 12 grad anyways. I'm gonna barf out of the limo's sunroof I think cus of too much Barbarian, hopefully before we get kicked out for broken glass and nudity.

C'est Qui... Matt Masters?

Apparemment le chanteur 'country' le plus chaud jamais sortir de Calgary! Its true, I am totally feelin' this dude schtick...I hope he is booked all over Calgary for Stampede cus this guy has it made! It was unfortunate that I drank too many brewskies this weekend and could not muster up enough energy to see his show at Bunghole on Sunday, but such is life when you have a couple runaway nights. Anyways, I really am not into much country but this song about the floods last summer is pretty awesome. God remember the flood? I love civic drama. C'est ultra-mega-cool ca!
Matt Masters - Centennial Swell
(right click save asssssswipe!)

Nice Rims Baby

Lily Allen

I be feeling Lily Allen this week. She is kinda, like the female version of Mike Skinner? (cus they are both English and rhyme funny) but with a more of a reggae flavour. Album comes out in July. This track is a bit less rasta, but certainly an ejoyable track. I suggest cruising the mp3s on the net and grab LDN and Smile. Oh ya, to my brothas, she is also super cute too.
Lily Allen - Knock 'em out

Harsh Toke

Last months 4/20 festivities at Colorado University has yielded the Administration to load pics online of all the kids openly smoking weed on campus and is offering $50 to students to rat them out. What a buzz kill...and $50? that's like only enough buy another Q of that shitty outdo'.

The Lord Speaks to Me

On Elbow Drive, going southbound...there is a church on the east side of the street, just before the turn off to Chinook. Anyhoops, they posts um, like i guess 'spiritual' quotes and such on their outdoor board that I think are subconsiously trying to make you feel guilty for getting black-out-drunk (something I have personally battled and overcome after bidding adieu to Pinot Grigio - I loved you bitch! but you had your way with me one too many times). Anyways, this weekend I went by and it is my all time fave. It simply says:

We need to talk

- God

O yes! indeed we do my lord! I have so much to tell you! So make sure you keep yer eyes peeled, cus this church always has some amaze quotes, just waiting for your guilty, alcohol-ridden soul to read for a good laugh.

Dear Readers,

It has come to my attention that some people told their mother about this blog, and in turn, your mother told my mother - who is now all up in my grill about wanting to read it. Not sure what you were thinking, but the amount of swearing and blunt comments I make on this blog I would never, EVER say in front of my (or your) parents....so..um...ZIP IT! I know who you are and expect an email from me. I heard the ladies quite like it (thanks guys!) but its kinda beside the point. And its not even about my mom, who would be totally cool about it..its the impression I am giving others who may not be taking this all with a grain of salt. Anyways, homeroom is comming down within 24 hours, perhaps I will start another one, but prolly not. Thanks again, really..honestly...so glad you thought your mom would enjoy this. DUMBASS!

Regards,

Pennelope

UPDATE: after an intensive investigation that took me around the globe, from Calgary to London to Tampa Bay and all the way back to Elbow Park, it has been discovered that this 'mom' deal involved a miscommunication of a certain name. Ultimately, only one very, very cool Mom is involved and I must say I am proud she reads this. Word up P! I think I'll forward it along *officially* to my own mom now...maybe. Drama averted.

Real World/Summer Share

The questionnaire to be a part of MTV's latest reality series Summer Share has some pretty amazing questions, particulary those involving getting BOD (black-out-drunk).

18. DO YOU: SMOKE CIGARETTES? CIRCLE: (YES/NO) DRINK ALCOHOL? CIRCLE: (YES/NO) HOW OFTEN AND HOW MUCH DO YOU DRINK

19. HAVE YOU EVER BLACKED OUT (i.e.- forgotten significant events which occurred while you were drunk?) CIRCLE: (YES/NO) HAVE YOU EVER HAD A DUI? CIRCLE: (YES/NO) IF YES, PLEASE EXPLAIN:

20. “THE SUMMER SHARE” HAS A ZERO TOLERANCE DRUG POLICY. IF YOU USE DRUGS, CAN YOU GO WITHOUT FOR SEVERAL MONTHS?

21. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ARRESTED OR HAD A RESTRAINING ORDER ISSUED AGAINST YOU? (IF SO, WHAT WERE THE CIRCUMSTANCES AND WHAT WAS THE OUTCOME?)

I am almost certain that they are screening for people who answer YES to all of these.